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[17 Sep 2007|02:07pm] |
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completely in love. completely.
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| lemme see those titties bounce |
[06 Apr 2007|01:15pm] |
last night, i let sarah take pictures of me topless while i poured chocolate syrup on my boobs. and shot whipped cream all over my face.
art school. wtf.
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| this girl? |
[04 Mar 2007|02:15am] |
i was 13 years old. and i just transferred from catholic to public, making my way into the 7th grade.
i was just 13.
the largest group of people i knew were the 12 apostles.
so of course i'd befriend anyone who acknowledged my existence.
the first girl was this trashy slender as fuck brunette. we clicked (how, i am unsure.) and within the first 3 months of our friendship, she told me my legs were fat. i guess i agreed. and that was that.
this girl. this fucking stupid, naive girl.
this stupid fuck. she would rather regurgitate her dinner than study for a test. and soon enough this became my life.
this fucking piece of shit girl.
i cannot go 10 fucking minutes without thinking of how fat i am.
i am not fat. but i cannot help but think i am.
this girl.
this girl with her fake tans and her dietary habits. and her vomit advice.
tonight i am 22. 2 days 22 years old. i see an old friend from high school who informs me of this girl.
tells me 2 of her friends have been hospitalized due to eating disorders. only they are 20-21...not 13.
this fucking girl.
this girl.
god forbid i see this girl again.
because the next time i run into her at the fucking a&p, she won't be permitted to look me up and down and say how much i've gained or lost.
if there is a god?
this girl.
she's going to fucking hell.
and i can't wait to flame on that parade.
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| this girl? |
[04 Mar 2007|02:15am] |
i was 13 years old. and i just transferred from catholic to public, making my way into the 7th grade.
i was just 13.
the largest group of people i knew were the 12 apostles.
so of course i'd befriend anyone who acknowledged my existence.
the first girl was this trashy slender as fuck brunette. we clicked (how, i am unsure.) and within the first 3 months of our friendship, she told me my legs were fat. i guess i agreed. and that was that.
this girl. this fucking stupid, naive girl.
this stupid fuck. she would rather regergitate her dinner than study for a test. and soon enouigh this became my life.
this fucking piece of shit girl.
i cannot go 10 fucking minutes without thinking of how fat i am.
i am not fat. but i cannot help but think i am.
this girl.
this girl with her fake tans and her dietary habits. and her vomit advice.
tonight i am 22. 2 days 22 years old. i see an old friend from high school who informs me of this girl.
tells me 2 of her friends have been hospitalized due to eating disorders. only they are 20-21...not 13.
this fucking girl.
this girl.
god forbid i see this girl again.
because the next time i run into her at the fucking a&p, she won't be permitted to look me up and down and say how much i've gained or lost.
if there is a god?
this girl.
she's going to fucking hell.
and i can't wait to flame on that parade.
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[28 Feb 2007|12:57am] |
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i will not let it ruin my birthday. no, sir, i will not.
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| and here it is!!!!!!!!!! |
[02 Jan 2007|11:19am] |
still needs the shading! sat through 4 hours! my arm is swollen up like you can't believe!
i can't photograph the inside of my arm. and its crosshatched really beautifully. you just can't see because of the slime over it.
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[14 Dec 2006|09:02pm] |
one more class and its fucking break for a month. thank god. i have never been so productive in my life. i actually handed in everything. i'm pretty thrilled with myself for once. tomorrow is my last 3d class ever. next semester i'm taking printmaking. i'm going to post the videos i made for 4d later.
oh...iven tried to strangle me last night. literally. that was eventful.
i'm going back to new jersey saturday, and i couldn't possibly be more happy about it. it doesn't exactly feel like christmas anywhere in brooklyn.
and now i will close with the most insane sentence ever...
truth be told, i love art school.
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[28 Nov 2006|01:44pm] |
just paid a shitty 100 dollar fine to the mta for lame drunk graffiti at a g stop.
dylan's crackhead roommate stole 3 ipods from them.
have so much work probably won't be seeing any of you for a while.
hopefully next semester my schedule will work out more.
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| if you close the door |
[12 Nov 2006|09:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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velvet underground-after hours |
] |
the only thing thats natural anymore is the tree tops. not any tree tops. the tall tree tops. the trees so fucking tall that nothing can contaminate or disturb them. i don't want to be disturbed anymore by a lot of specifics. to accomplish this, i will use homework as my distraction. or school in general.
i woke up two mornings ago feeling sorry for myself. what friends do i have anymore? which friends do i see anymore? which friends are true friends? are any of my friends my friends for reasons more than drinking companions? do any of them care? and what do they care about? me? themselves? drugs?
after thinking this over heavily, i arrived an evident conclusion. why feel sorry for myself? i should feel sorry for them. while my life is being consumed by drawings of contour lines, their lives are revolving around cocaine lines. and the results? i have a future. i have fucking goals. i'm advancing in my skills. they're advancing in scumbaggetry.
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| ALL THE UMBRELLAS IN BROOKLYN... |
[05 Oct 2006|08:52pm] |
i feel amazing. pratt is fucking great. it rules being in classes with all freshmen. i was intimidated at first but man. my self esteem has plummeted ascended!! to a new level. i am actually starting to realize i have a lot more talent than i thought. getting massive compliments on projects from random people as i walk down the halls. all my teachers love me. i made some friends. some. i live down the st from crystal. i live a 10 minute bike ride from dylan. everything rules and i've been so upbeat its starting to terrify me.
people begged me not to change once i went away to school but i hope this is acceptable. i can even find beauty in the gargantuan cockroaches living in my drains.
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[01 Oct 2006|11:42pm] |
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i have a little crush! shh
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[19 Aug 2006|12:51am] |
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byebye, new jersey. i might miss you just as much as i'll miss the drama you breed.
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[29 Jul 2006|01:02pm] |
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i really just wish he would fucking leave me alone.
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| fuck this summer, and fuck you. |
[24 Jul 2006|08:45am] |
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listen. i'm so sick of every single one of my friends being total trash talkers. from now on i'm only talking to 3 of them. the rest can go to hell.
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| highlights=the ultimate discouraging parent of all time |
[06 May 2006|08:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 drunk |
] |
yes i am drunk right now but someone did happen to bring up the title "highlights" tonite. and you know honestly it was my favorite childrens' subscription of all time. that is, until age 8.
remember the two full pages (color) of child readers' poems and drawings? these two pages are responsible for my lack of motivation in the world of art. at 8 FUCKING years of age i sent in the most awesome picture ever of kids chillin in a swimming pool. 8 YEARS OLD. even one diving off the goddamn board. complete with splashed. and guess what. within one motherfuckin month i received a letter from the goddamn highlights "team" if you can even call them such an unorganized noun.
this letter read something along the lines of "dear naive young ass bitch with your head in the wrong set of clouds, we got yr pic and its awesome!!!thx so much for sending that pile of bullfuck in! vBUT we have too manby other radical submissions. so peace. yours fo rillz, highlyghtz"
and honestly you know i would be able to deal BUT these mothers didn;t even have the balls to send me back my kewl illustration colored pencil shading and all.
i blame this lame ass publication for my discouragement throughout every single fucking art class i've taken since i was retarded enough to slap a stamp on the goddamn shit covered envelope only to find i was a worthless, denied mealworm.
in conclusion. fuck you highlights staff. i hope your young die at birth and their souls are lost and forgotten for eternity in your hidden pictures column. may you forever have the actions of goofus, and may gallant rape you anally and rough.
yours dubiously,
sheila
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[02 May 2006|12:18pm] |
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i've been really really busy. saturday went to new student day at pratt with mommy. mommy changed her mind and insists i attend pratt now telling me to be successful i need to learn there. i'm trying to get more hours at work. i'm probably going to be working my ass off this summer because i most certainly will not be able to hold a job when i start school in august. theodore grimm is now going on tour for an entire month this summer. i fucking hate wil for this. now that the apartment is gone, the only person close enough to hang out regularly is lariss and her fam. thats okay though since i'm going to be working so much. i finished my stupid fucking sculpture class with a c. can get it pushed up to a b if i show prof. hand sculpture and paper. i don't think i want to though. its not worth going back to that hell hole even one last time. i've been crying and laughing more than anyone can imagine this past week, and i don't like leaving my house too much anymore, even for alcohol's sake, so i'll see you all in a while.
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[16 Apr 2006|11:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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nauseated |
] |
keep lying to me, please. i love it.
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[13 Apr 2006|01:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bitchy |
] |
does anyone find it a little odd that already the media is trying to make a big time profit off of 9/11? a movie??? and what has it been, 5 years? i'm not offended as much as i am embarrassed for this country. its a big fucking joke. anyway, i walked out of barnes and noble with a charles burns and edward gorey book today. they really have to do something about their security. i guess they shouldn't though. i'm so bored with this town. and work. i can't wait for everything to change. i really can't. i tore out my mom's old singer and learned how to sew like 3 weeks ago and can't fucking stop. give me clothes to sew, i am bored with my cellar/life.
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mona_beadle's journal
